Growing old is like a perennial battle against hubris.
In your early twenties, you’d strike first and you’d strike anywhere. You are not bogged down by hypertension, migraines, lower back ache and all the other gifts of physiological aging that typically begin to happen sometime in midlife. It’s only in midlife where you learn how to optimize, declutter your time and energy and headspace, and begin thinking about other things like passing on good things to the next generation.
At this stage, it’s important to upskill. But I also realized recently that it is also equally important to unlearn toxic patterns, or let go of former mechanisms that no longer serve the highest good. This kind of self-awareness is something that requires a lot of internal honesty. It’s not necessarily a pleasant experience to uproot things that used to bring me a lot of comfort, not because they are healthy but because they are what I am used to. Unlearning also allows me to free up that bandwidth to welcome new and healthier things for my life. I am immensely grateful that I was able to begin this process, as it has improved my quality of life considerably since I began to do this earnestly and honestly.
In my early thirties, I began by deactivating my social media accounts on a cyclic basis. I go back and then I disappear and my friends actually like it when I do this. This went on until last year where I finally decided to delete my social media accounts for good. I had to unlearn the ways I used my social media accounts. I learned instead to have a very non-mainstream way of using the internet for personal and professional reasons. And I made peace with the fact that not all will trudge this path, and this does not make me superior to others who will choose differently. I lost a lot of contacts when I did the clean cut, but in exchange, I gained so much about myself and how I can be better for those present to me outside of my digital life. I only briefly turned on my LinkedIn account to do a work task, but immediately switched it off after the 2nd day since I found it so alien already given my new lease of digital semi-hermitage.
Even with a semi-optimized approach to my online activities, I still find myself caught in unhealthy habits. I have known enough about digital marketing and profiling to limit app notifications on my phone from e-commerce or shopping websites. I am able to disengage from certain activities and individuals more honestly. I used to be so bogged down by the need to get along with everyone. These days, I learn to embrace a little conflict, a tiny friction if this is what situations require.
I took some time digging into my attachment style, my specific personality, my quirks, and which environments allow me to be the best version of myself. Understanding my quirks led me to adjust my interactions with others, fostering more genuine connections. By recognizing the environments where I thrive, I can create spaces that nurture my growth. Unlearning harmful patterns has empowered me to prioritize self-improvement, paving the way for a more fulfilling life journey marked by personal growth and authenticity. In the journey, I also understand that people do not operate in specific or similar tracks. We all have our own journeys in life, and we intersect when we happen to be in the same frequency as another group or person. And this is not a static thing. These energies change, they are ephemeral, and they do not make you less of a person if you feel the need to change up the dynamics, or in extreme cases, cut it out altogether.
The generous time I allot to self-reflection also allowed me to understand root causes and things underneath what manifests in my life externally. It allowed me to override my tendencies to use shortcuts or hijack the healing or integration process of certain life experiences. With this deeper understanding, I navigate life with more intention, constantly refining my approach to personal growth. By letting go of ingrained patterns, I open myself to new possibilities and connections.
If anything, one thing I’d like to do is to equip my children with the flexibility and love that they will need to be able to reach their own pinnacles and north star in their respective lives. This is why I have been fighting to document my thoughts in this blog and in my private analog journals. I want to make sure they are able to “visit” me long after I am gone and know what kind of person I had been, what dreams I have for their souls, what efforts I made to raise them in the best possible way. The world can be sometimes scary, but I hope that I do well by my kids and that they can navigate maturely and move in Love and gratitude.